Listen.
This word is so simple but yet so hard to do. This is also something that I have been working on. One habit that I use to struggle with and to this day I have to catch and correct myself is the habit of listening.
- I use to interrupt people when they talk – but not ill intended
- Or I would not pay attention due to other distractions
Click here to learn listening techniques to build rapport with others
When people would talk to me I use to always want them to know that I was listening. To show that I connected with them and understood what they were saying I would try to finish their sentenses. Or talk while they would talk. Hoping for that harmonious moment when we say the same thing.
Well most of the time, this worked, but ususally it boiled down to them saying… “no that was not what I was going to say…”
I finally realized that this was annoying. And I worked on correcting this habit miserably until I was encountered with a mentor – Dani Johnson.
She said that I needed to stop trying to finish people sentenses. She showed me the reason why I had this habit was my way of showing others how smart I was. She said that it was an ego trip. I needed to validate myself by other people validating me.
When the truth was I need to keep my mouth shut and just listen.
If someone wanted my opinion they will ask. Until they ask I don’t offer any suggestions.
During further study I soon realized just how rude it was to offer my opinion or finish other peoples sentenses was, especially if the person just wants to vent. And my big mouth would spoil it.
So I had to learn self discipline and keep my mouth shut to listen. Boy was this hard. My skin cringed with excitement and words of knowledge wanted to spew out of my mouth.
But I had to learn to just listen.
Then a crazy thing happen. People would just talk and talk and talk. And I realized how others needed to hear themselves talk – either to solve a problem, or for their own ego or just to vent.
I realized that many people stuggle with a sense of insecurity and needed someone to hear them and their thought process.
I also realized if you just let people talk you learn so much about them…hint hint.
You learn were their error in thinking is. You learn that they don’t know anything either they just have an opinion.
Then when they ask you for your opinion – and this never fails – they are floored with the bits of knowledge and love you even more. They thank you for connecting and helping them solve their problems.
I learn that I have connected more with people buy just letting them speak their mind – and then helping them find the answers by just listening. I become more trust worthy by listening.
Click here to learn listening techniques to build rapport with others
Action Plan:
1. Pay attention to how many times a day you offer your opinion when not asked.
2. For 1 week strive to keep silent and just listen to others until asked for an opinion.